I had forgotten just how much I enjoy the late night hours until a few weeks ago - it proves to be a bitch in the morning but it seems to be worth it. I thought a couple of weeks ago it was because i was feeling overly anxious and rather depressed that I liked the darkness and stillness of the night but I think it's more than that. The pace of the world changes and so does my mind. I seem to be able to settle into the stillness around me - dull lights or just the glow from the quiet tv - the ticking of the clock that doesn't tell the correct time but marks the seconds passing none the less. The puppy sits quietly by me as though she knows its time to be at peace - she's not looking to play tug of war or dropping the squeaky yellow ball at my feet - she just wants to be close and breathes a little smoother as well.
I like knowing that the world is sleeping or at least quieting down and the house feels safe and warm and secure. I spend most of my waking hours talking to someone - either in person, online, or on the phone. I jump from one conversation into another without more than minutes passing. And I like it that way. But then comes the night and I'm for once, still. And I like it!
Today was the seder and it was damn good! It was fun to be in the kitchen - chopping onions and feeling like my eyes were going to fall out of my head - allowing one of the older women teach me different things in the kitchen - some of which i knew - most of which i dont care about - but she liked telling me how to do things and with each instruction came a story about something in her life or who taught her how to do this that or the other thing. I like her and she reminds me of my grandma. Shes absolutely nothing like my grandma - but ever since my grandparents died I feel some strange connection to older people who take an interest in me. I treat them like my grandparents - respect - give them my attention - but also I give them hugs and well, i don't know....show affection in that grandparent sort of way and it works for all of us i think. There's one woman who, a couple of weeks ago, out of the blue i gave a hug to - and she said "i can't tell you the last time i had a hug" we smiled and well, now we hug on sunday morning and have a brief convo while she puts the sharpened pencils in the pews and straightens out the hymnals. She's quiet and easily ignored - im pretty sure she was not part of my weekly interaction for the past 2.5 years but from now on - you better believe i will seek her out. She's cute and quiet and well, she reminds me of my grandma!
I miss my grandparents more than I ever thought I would. I miss them a lot. My grandfather was pissed at me when i got my tongue pierced but he got over it when my mom had a little conversation with him. They both were very far from perfect but to me...complete perfection. My grandpa died suddenly - one minute ok and the next dead on the ground. I'm glad for him that it happened that way but man oh man i wish i had another conversation, another visit, another phone call. He smoked a pipe and i now have all of his pipes and they still smell just how i remember. My gram - well - she had her flaws but love flowed out of that woman in a way you don't see every day.
Alright - enough of that...i'm rambling, but this is my blog! deal with it : )
Well, my eyeballs are tired so im turning the computer off...see what i can find on tv and embrace the quiet of the night!
Peace Out Ya'll!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Stream of Consciousness
Well, today proved to be an excellent day! For starters I got out of the house early, which is a real rarity these days, and had plenty of time for a Dunkin' Coffee Stop! Got the blood flowing at a nice pace before I had to say hello to anyone! (not sure if this was more of a benefit for me or for everyone around me!) Palm Sunday proved to be all that I anticipated! The kids did a bang up job of processing - the choirs sounded great - the weather cooperated - and everyone was in a good mood! We laughed throughout the service and I in my 11 year old boy style used my palm as a sword and flicked the acolytes when they were trying to look oh so holy and reverent! Really - im a bad influence! I remembered Mrs. Kianka and her anthems and my mind filled with movie reals of memories.
The pooch and I took a walk today through the village - another Dunkin' Coffee stop and we were off! Sadie got to smell all kinds of good stuff and she pranced around like she owned the streets! (Hopefully that made up for dinner being 4 hours late because I lost track of time and forgot to feed her tonight! - if it helps any, i forgot to feed myself too! oops!)
Joel Osteen is on tv right now. Not sure how that happened, but sometimes i like listening to someone else ramble on - i dont even really care how theologically correct or incorrect it is. (as long as it's not the 700 Club which just makes my blood pressure shoot through the roof!) His accent reminds me of South Carolina...i miss it there. I miss the magnolia tree in the neighbor's yard - the azalea bushes in front of my house - the Stavros lights that would shine through the blinds at night - the accents of everyone around me - Ocharlies - Harbison - Pomaria - the crazy guy at El Cheapo Gas Station - Publix - the sound of the train all night - being happy to wake up at 6:30 to talk to someone who has turned out to be one of my best friends - Thursday night Chapel followed by dinner out somewhere - Inferno Hockey games....so much. Most of all tho..i miss my friends. A lot.
I wonder if I'll ever be that happy again. It was a crazy time, full of crazy fears and uncertainties about what the future held, over exaggerated worries, a roller coaster of emotions full of many firsts - but it was DAMN good...
Shouted Hosanna today... we're on our way to shouting Crucify.
Good Night world.
The pooch and I took a walk today through the village - another Dunkin' Coffee stop and we were off! Sadie got to smell all kinds of good stuff and she pranced around like she owned the streets! (Hopefully that made up for dinner being 4 hours late because I lost track of time and forgot to feed her tonight! - if it helps any, i forgot to feed myself too! oops!)
Joel Osteen is on tv right now. Not sure how that happened, but sometimes i like listening to someone else ramble on - i dont even really care how theologically correct or incorrect it is. (as long as it's not the 700 Club which just makes my blood pressure shoot through the roof!) His accent reminds me of South Carolina...i miss it there. I miss the magnolia tree in the neighbor's yard - the azalea bushes in front of my house - the Stavros lights that would shine through the blinds at night - the accents of everyone around me - Ocharlies - Harbison - Pomaria - the crazy guy at El Cheapo Gas Station - Publix - the sound of the train all night - being happy to wake up at 6:30 to talk to someone who has turned out to be one of my best friends - Thursday night Chapel followed by dinner out somewhere - Inferno Hockey games....so much. Most of all tho..i miss my friends. A lot.
I wonder if I'll ever be that happy again. It was a crazy time, full of crazy fears and uncertainties about what the future held, over exaggerated worries, a roller coaster of emotions full of many firsts - but it was DAMN good...
Shouted Hosanna today... we're on our way to shouting Crucify.
Good Night world.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Holy, Holy, Holy
Well, tomorrow (Palm Sunday) officially kicks off Holy Week, but for me it begins on the Saturday evening before Palm Sunday. I go with the confirmation kids to see the Passion Play at a local monster church where they do a bang up job. It occurs to me that I almost like watching the kids experience the play and take it all in more than the actual show itself. There is something about watching the stories they know and have heard come alive. Their eyes get big and for once they aren't looking at their phone and are paying attention like they are watching the most captivating thing they have ever seen! Do I really feel like going tonight? No, not particularly. But I will go and I will love it once I get there!
This morning was the annual Easter Egg Hunt. Oh the joy - the crafts - the Easter Bunny - the Eggs - the candy and the damn smell of bacon that was making my mouth water from the mens breakfast! It was good - not as many people were there as I would have like to see, but those who came had fun and we made the best of it!
The church bees as I call them (aka alter guild) were working hard this morning decorating and getting the sanctuary ready for Palm Sunday. I love all of the behind the scenes prep that takes place. Everyone is cleaning and working and preparing. It's clear that something special is about to happen.
Tomorrow will be a good day - the Passion Story will be read - I'll narrate as usual and wonder how to pronounce Ciaphas. I'll agonize over it all morning (I'll probably even call RM at 8:30a to ask her how she would say it) until right before I have to say his name and then...it will be over! The kids will process in, singing All Glory Laud and Honor and I will remember Mrs. Kianka and being in junior choir, memorizing all of the verses and all that she taught me through anthems. (Most of the bible stories that I know the best and bring some kind of comfort are those I learned in elementary school in junior choir.)
I've gotta go be domestic and do some laundry and take care of the dishes! Happy Saturday!
Holy Holy Holy! Lord God Almighty!
Early in the morning our song shall rise to thee.
Holy Holy Holy merciful and mighty
God in three persons, blessed Trinity.
This morning was the annual Easter Egg Hunt. Oh the joy - the crafts - the Easter Bunny - the Eggs - the candy and the damn smell of bacon that was making my mouth water from the mens breakfast! It was good - not as many people were there as I would have like to see, but those who came had fun and we made the best of it!
The church bees as I call them (aka alter guild) were working hard this morning decorating and getting the sanctuary ready for Palm Sunday. I love all of the behind the scenes prep that takes place. Everyone is cleaning and working and preparing. It's clear that something special is about to happen.
Tomorrow will be a good day - the Passion Story will be read - I'll narrate as usual and wonder how to pronounce Ciaphas. I'll agonize over it all morning (I'll probably even call RM at 8:30a to ask her how she would say it) until right before I have to say his name and then...it will be over! The kids will process in, singing All Glory Laud and Honor and I will remember Mrs. Kianka and being in junior choir, memorizing all of the verses and all that she taught me through anthems. (Most of the bible stories that I know the best and bring some kind of comfort are those I learned in elementary school in junior choir.)
I've gotta go be domestic and do some laundry and take care of the dishes! Happy Saturday!
Holy Holy Holy! Lord God Almighty!
Early in the morning our song shall rise to thee.
Holy Holy Holy merciful and mighty
God in three persons, blessed Trinity.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Looking Through The Lens
A little background: In August 2010 I bought a refurbished Nikon D3000 from B&H Photography.
(ps: you need to go there - the conveyer belts that go all around the store like it's own toy roller coaster - the amount of camera shtuff- Chris Rock who was buying a camera next to us - the guy with an old camera who chills outside the store - it's a fun place to dream a lil!)
Lenses
18-55mm f/3.5-5.6
90mm Macro
70-300mm f/4-5.6
Lensbaby Muse
And really - I know nothing about photography and that's ok with me. I'm learning and it's fun. Changes the way I look at the world around me and it forces me to look and think outside of myself. I'd say I tend to be an observant person but the lens changes the way in which I observe - it's interesting. More words will come later...
(ps: you need to go there - the conveyer belts that go all around the store like it's own toy roller coaster - the amount of camera shtuff- Chris Rock who was buying a camera next to us - the guy with an old camera who chills outside the store - it's a fun place to dream a lil!)
Lenses
18-55mm f/3.5-5.6
90mm Macro
70-300mm f/4-5.6
Lensbaby Muse
And really - I know nothing about photography and that's ok with me. I'm learning and it's fun. Changes the way I look at the world around me and it forces me to look and think outside of myself. I'd say I tend to be an observant person but the lens changes the way in which I observe - it's interesting. More words will come later...
Sunday, Sunday
I'm not exactly a fan of waking up on Sunday morning, but once the day gets rolling it's not too shabby! : ) A lil church action, seeing people who haven't been around for a week - or sometimes more - hearing stories of the week, sharing hugs, smiles, jokes, in general its simply goodness. I'm not what you would call a "community person," but when I'm in the middle of it I can't get enough of it. I wonder why it takes so much to jump into it - over and over again it proves to be a good thing, yet I resist it at every turn.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
The Journey
So, today, I began shooting in Manual. Makes me a little nervous, but it's time to jump in the deep end! Pretty much, that's all there is to it! Shutter Speed, ISO, Aperture here we go baby and I'm excited.
I've been stuck in my head a lot recently - thinking and over thinking tends to be my M.O., but it's been a bit out of control! So, we're reigning it in and working on perspective and patience!
I've thought about photography for quite some time - always looked at cameras, always was wanting to play with lenses, but always felt a bit out of my league and wasn't sure I could rock it. Then came along my pal who just happens to be a professional photographer and quite possibly one of the funniest people I know... and he's patient with me (or at least has a good cover!) So to B&H we went in August 2010, a couple of lenses in, and we're off and running!
And so, here we go!
I've been stuck in my head a lot recently - thinking and over thinking tends to be my M.O., but it's been a bit out of control! So, we're reigning it in and working on perspective and patience!
I've thought about photography for quite some time - always looked at cameras, always was wanting to play with lenses, but always felt a bit out of my league and wasn't sure I could rock it. Then came along my pal who just happens to be a professional photographer and quite possibly one of the funniest people I know... and he's patient with me (or at least has a good cover!) So to B&H we went in August 2010, a couple of lenses in, and we're off and running!
And so, here we go!
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